Gym Stereotypying

Anyone who ever steps foot inside a gym (or modern torture chamber as my friend insists on calling them), will instantly recognise the different types of people who are to be found within. It doesn't matter which gym you use, or where in the world it is - inside there will be the same people doing the same things. You know what I'm talking about.

I was musing on this fact this evening whilst working out. Since I'm still doing five sets of five reps I seem to spend plenty of time standing or sitting and trying to focus my gaze somewhere other than on the incredibly hot girl doing a bent over row just inches away from my face. Such circumstances can cause the mind to wander, and it was whilst daydreaming in this manner that I began to catalogue the various types around me. Being an intrespective kind of guy, I started with myself.

There's not much point denying it, I'm still at the Keen Fatty stage. You know the kind, they can usually be found toiling away on a Stationary Bike, red in the face and about to keel over. It is the Keen Fatty that causes many to consider the advantages of portable defibrillators, such is the deathly palour adourning the features of this particular gym user. I would say that these days I'm edging out of this category, but when I first started at the gym I was a stereotypical Keen Fatty. You can leave this category in one of two ways - stop going to the gym and simply stay a plain old Fatty, or work your arse off until you become...

A Gym Toddler - these guys have been attending the gym for a while now, they know their routine and they're sticking to it. They may have one or two regular gym buddies. They aren't Cover Models, but they've shed some weight and/or gained some muscle, and they're feeling better, but just wishing that they could pass through the Terrible Two's and get to the Promised Land beyond.

There are of course the Cover Models. Not usually too many of these guys and girls, they tend to be aged anywhere between twenty and forty, and easily recognised by the admiring glances of the opposite sex and the envious glares of their own. The Cover Model glides around the gym floor, admiring their curves and their easy, winning smile in the mirrors. You will rarely see one break into a sweat, but even when they do, damn they look good. Wearing the latest brands and (in the case of the men) with designer stubble trimmed to perfection on a jaw you could break rocks with, you just know that they're next going to be seen on a deodorant advert, wearing just a towel. Many aspire to be a Cover Model, but it isn't something you become, it's something you're born with.

Then there are the Goliaths. Huge men who are obviously going for this summer's gorilla look. They care as much about their body fat percentage as they do about their receding hairline or the stretch marks on their shoulders. Goliaths don't go to the gym to look pretty, they go to grunt and sweat and lift heavy things before dropping them with as loud a crash as possible. Just as dedicated as the Cover Model, but with an entirely different set of goals. Goliaths don't want to look friendly, they just want to block the light out when they enter a room. Preferably through double doors.

There are obviously variations on each character, and there are some missing links here too. But next time you're sat resting between sets, or slowly dying on the treadmill, take a moment to consider - which gym character are you?