THAT Arnie video

Only a quick note this evening - just got back from the gym. I finished off with some tricep pull downs tonight, after a heavy session on my chest. As I ended my last set and lowered the weight stack I noticed how tight the skin was feeling around my arms... and obviously I immediately remembered THAT Arnie quote from Pumping Iron. For those of you who haven't seen it, and for those who have, here it is. Enjoy (it sounds like he did).

Gym Stereotypying

Anyone who ever steps foot inside a gym (or modern torture chamber as my friend insists on calling them), will instantly recognise the different types of people who are to be found within. It doesn't matter which gym you use, or where in the world it is - inside there will be the same people doing the same things. You know what I'm talking about.

I was musing on this fact this evening whilst working out. Since I'm still doing five sets of five reps I seem to spend plenty of time standing or sitting and trying to focus my gaze somewhere other than on the incredibly hot girl doing a bent over row just inches away from my face. Such circumstances can cause the mind to wander, and it was whilst daydreaming in this manner that I began to catalogue the various types around me. Being an intrespective kind of guy, I started with myself.

There's not much point denying it, I'm still at the Keen Fatty stage. You know the kind, they can usually be found toiling away on a Stationary Bike, red in the face and about to keel over. It is the Keen Fatty that causes many to consider the advantages of portable defibrillators, such is the deathly palour adourning the features of this particular gym user. I would say that these days I'm edging out of this category, but when I first started at the gym I was a stereotypical Keen Fatty. You can leave this category in one of two ways - stop going to the gym and simply stay a plain old Fatty, or work your arse off until you become...

A Gym Toddler - these guys have been attending the gym for a while now, they know their routine and they're sticking to it. They may have one or two regular gym buddies. They aren't Cover Models, but they've shed some weight and/or gained some muscle, and they're feeling better, but just wishing that they could pass through the Terrible Two's and get to the Promised Land beyond.

There are of course the Cover Models. Not usually too many of these guys and girls, they tend to be aged anywhere between twenty and forty, and easily recognised by the admiring glances of the opposite sex and the envious glares of their own. The Cover Model glides around the gym floor, admiring their curves and their easy, winning smile in the mirrors. You will rarely see one break into a sweat, but even when they do, damn they look good. Wearing the latest brands and (in the case of the men) with designer stubble trimmed to perfection on a jaw you could break rocks with, you just know that they're next going to be seen on a deodorant advert, wearing just a towel. Many aspire to be a Cover Model, but it isn't something you become, it's something you're born with.

Then there are the Goliaths. Huge men who are obviously going for this summer's gorilla look. They care as much about their body fat percentage as they do about their receding hairline or the stretch marks on their shoulders. Goliaths don't go to the gym to look pretty, they go to grunt and sweat and lift heavy things before dropping them with as loud a crash as possible. Just as dedicated as the Cover Model, but with an entirely different set of goals. Goliaths don't want to look friendly, they just want to block the light out when they enter a room. Preferably through double doors.

There are obviously variations on each character, and there are some missing links here too. But next time you're sat resting between sets, or slowly dying on the treadmill, take a moment to consider - which gym character are you?

I was speaking with someone the other day about how I had recently joined a new gym. The bloke in question was middle aged and confident - in fact he was a business man, well used to dealing with situations and circumstances. And yet, he told me that he found the whole atmosphere of a gym intimidating. This from a successful man who ran his own business.

I remember when I first joined the gym, probably six years ago. I never found the cardio section of the gym floor scary at all, nor even the weight machines. Most of the people in there were similar to me - unfit, sweat dripping from foreheads onto baggy t-shirts or skin tight lycra - happy to stare glassy eyed at the tv screens hanging above them. That was fine. It was a world that was easy to understand and easy to follow.

But every now and then I'd be wheezing away on a stationary bike, or going red in the face on the chest press, when I'd steal a glance over to the dark, shadowy and foreboding world next door. It seemed to me that only a certain kind of meathead entered through that particular portal. Maybe there was a huge doorman on the other side, checking that your knuckles dragged on the floor just so, and that your nose would never get wet when it rained because your brow overhung the requisite amount. No matter what else you might say about the guys who worked out in there though, most of them were fit and healthy. Not all, but most.

I'm speaking of course about the freeweights room. At this point I had never ventured in, and would not do so for several years to come. In that time I stopped attending the gym altogether, and even cancelled my membership for a year or two. Towards the end of my exile though, I began to realise that maybe I should be taking better care of myself, and I started picking up magazines such as Mens Health. Slowly but surely the message was drilled into me - freeweights are the way forward. Machines are fine to start with, but when you use them your movements are very restricted and often muscles are isolated, meaning that the supporting muscle structure does not grow at the same rate as the muscles and joints that they are supporting, leading to an unbalanced physique.

The problem was that the barbells and dumbells and benches were all in the dreaded freeweights room. It was an intimidating place. I was sure that I would go in there, do something wrong and everyone would notice and give each other a knowing look - "A newbies here, doing himself damage and using our equipment". It really bothered me. But the more I read and learned the more I knew I had to get over myself and get into the freeweights room.

So I did. And strangely enough people in there weren't particularly interested in me at all. Sure, I felt a little selfconscious, and found myself checking what others were doing out of the corner of my eye. Looking back, I'm sure I looked like a complete noob - poor form, lots of time hanging round while I tried to figure out what to do next. But eight months on I feel completely at home with the freeweights. I can't imagine working out without them to be honest. Plus I've made some friends in there, people who genuinely know about fitness and are keen to help others progress.

So my advice to everyone who feels intimidated by the gym is this; forget about it. It's all in your head really, eveyone at the gym is much more interested in themselves than you, and nobody is going to judge you! Just get yourself down to that gym!

Strength Training

I've just got back from my new shiny gym, and I hurt. More so than usual, but still in a good way. Tonight I started my first cycle of strength training. I've mentioned before that when I began I was lifting three sets of fifteen reps to get my body used to weight training. Then I reduced that down to three sets of ten to twelve reps with slightly heavier weights.

However, I've now got to the point where I felt I needed to shock my body with something a little different. I dismissed the more outlandish ideas of crocodile wrestling and extreme ironing, and instead opted to keep it in the gym. Therefore tonight I started my first cycle of strength training - lifting much heavier weights in five sets of five reps.
The science is simple - by reducing the number of repetitions per set you can lift more weight per repetition, thus pushing the body harder and getting bigger results. It's size that I'm after at the moment, I'd love to see some decent lean muscle bulk added to my frame. As I've mentioned before, the more muscle you have the more fat you burn!

It's not just bigger muscles that can be acheieved via this method though. The clue is in the name - you also, obviously, get stronger. Which is useful in all walks of life.

However, if you're not convinced that strength training is the way for you, then consider some of these other methods, as recommended by Strenght Coach "Chuck Berry" (or Will Ferrell to you and me!)

September Update

Well, as promised I have added the new photos and stats. I'm still a very long way from where I want to be, but I feel like I'm moving in the right direction.

What do you think?

How Time Flies

Oops, I think I may have missed an update or two.... Let me see, the last update was April, and now it's September. Hmm. Well, anyone who has been anxiously pressing "Refresh" for the last four months in the hope of some news will be pleased to know that it was just the blog that I had fallen behind with, and not the training.

And that's almost true as well. Ok, so the training was a little sporadic in May, and the first couple of weeks in June too, but since then I've been as regular as Mr Museli. I'm still talking about training, don't worry!
A fair amount has happened since April (although Derby still haven't won a match, so not that much has changed) and I'm on course to lose the weight and gain the muscle. There will be an update and a photo - ladies, calm yourselves - in the next day or two, but suffice to say that I am down to 16st 6lbs.
Now I realise that since April that's only 9lbs loss, but it does put me up to a total loss of 2st 4lbs, which I'm pleased with, especially since I haven't just run myself to death and not eaten anything. I genuinely feel fitter and healthier. I can now complete a whole forty minute five a side football match without passing out, although sadly I'm still just as rubbish. Just less wheezy.

I've recently changed gyms, going from a small outpost of a corporate giant to a bigger tin shed of an even larger corporate monster (here's a clue, this one has a beard). It offers more in the way of weights and cardio machines, and most importantly - benches. My previous gym had about four, which meant that an hours workout would probably have to allow for at least twenty minutes of waiting for weights and benches to become free. Frustrating to say the least.

More on this later - I don't want to overdo it on my first day back on the blog. I promise faithfully that a further update will appear as if by magic over the next forty eight hours. In the meantime, I leave you with this video that made me chuckle. Poor guy, I wonder how long it was before he could face going back to the gym!

Week One Results

Just a quick note to mention my progress this week. No pics, as I can't see the point in posting new ones each week, I'll probably go for once a fortnight. However, this week, I have lost the required 2lbs, down to 17st 3lbs yesterday morning. I've upped the weights on most of my exercises this week too, and I'm chuffed at things in general to be honest. 15 monts and three weeks to go!

It was never meant to be like this!

Of course, only a very select group of specialist weirdos actually set out to be fat, and I certainly don't fit into that category. As far as I'm concerned, I didn't get fat, fat got me. I was like the guy in this video, but without the correct shoes...



Belly got me. When I was 18 I used to survive on a diet of lager and cigarettes. Seriously, I rarely ate proper food, and I used to be waiting outside the pub next to college, with my mates, looking out anxiously for the barmaid to open the doors at 11am! And I was stick thin. I weighed about 12 stone.

Then I stopped drinking (pretty much), packed up smoking, started driving and piled on the pounds. It probably didn't help that I found myself a wonderful girlfriend and settled down into a contented lifestyle with plenty of takeaways and a job that chained me to the desk. The quarter pounders stacked up, the delicous cheese steak sarnies slipped down, and when I wasn't looking someone stuck nearly 7 stone on me and I couldn't play football without my ankles hurting! It came as quite a shock, I can tell you.

Pumping Iron

The correct diet will obviously lay the foundation of the new me. By eating right I'll shift some fat and fuel my workouts, which is what I'm going to touch on today.

Diet alone is not going to get me to where I want to be. I think too many people believe that simply by cutting down on the calories they'll develop a slimmer and more toned physique quickly. And perhaps for one or two people that may work. But the majority of us need to add some exercise to the menu. To take a race car analogy, putting a modern and more efficient fuel in an outdated, heavy old sports car is going to improve it's performance, but it still won't be good enough to beat a new, lighter, more powerful model.

And it's certainly not about jumping on the treadmill for 45 minutes three times a week either. One of the best ways to burn fat is to add muscle. The more lean muscle you have, the more calories you'll burn every second of the day. CV work has it's place, but lifting weights and adding a bit of clean bulk is going to lower my body fat even while I'm relaxing on the sofa!

To start out I'm concentrating on doing endurance sets, so 3 sets of 15 repetitions on each exercise. I'm also doing upper and lower body splits. Upper body one day, lower body the next, then a rest day and repeat. Here's my current workout:

Day One: Barbell Bench Press
Swiss Ball Pec Fly
Bent Over Dumbell Row
Upright Dumbell Row
V Bar & Straight Bar Cable Row
Swiss Ball Dumbell Shoulder Press

Somewhere in there I'll throw in some bicep curls and some tricep pull downs with the rope attachment.

Day Two: Squats
Deadlift
Lunges
High Steps
Calf Raises

Then if I've anything left in the tank, which is not that often, I'll jump on the disc loading leg press and really pound what's left of my legs. Or some extra squats.

Diet

I hate that word. It's probably fair to say that I got into my current condition thanks to a combination of a desk job and the ready availability of fast food. Damn you Quarter Pounders! I haven't been a regular drinker for a few years now - cutting out the beers isn't a problem. So I've had some fairly easy decisions to make: start eating better and working out! Simple.

Out go the burgers and chips, in come fewer carbs, less fat, and more protein rich foods. Now I'm still learning about this stuff, but at the moment this approach seems to be working for me:

Breakfast: Porridge with semi-skimmed milk (and a touch of honey)
Mid-Morning: Apple or banana
Lunch: Combination of boiled eggs, cold meat, tomatoes, lettuce, peppers etc
Mid-Afternoon: Piece of fruit
Evening: A meal comprising a good source of protein (lean meat, fish etc) and plenty of veg.

During the day I don't have any cooking facilities, so I have to rely on what I can take in a lunch box. Also, I would love to say that I could have a whole chicken breast or similar each lunch time, but the economics just don't stand up unfortunately.
My evening meal is the hardest one for me to regulate. I live with my girlfriend and she is a bit of a foody. She loves cooking good homemade food (although I do a lot of the cooking as well, she just tells me what we're eating!), and she's also one of the annoying people who can eat what she likes without putting on the pounds. Mind you, she does hit the gym five times a week too, so maybe that helps. Recently I've convinced her that eating lots of pasta or potatoes and other carb rich foods as the last meal of the day isn't going to be my best strategy for shedding the fat, so there have been some compromises - but she's adamant that we're not going to start eating tasteless food. Fair enough.

Portion sizes have been reduced too, and I'm starting to learn and understand what my body requires in order to function; in terms of the right foodstuff at the right times. If anyone has any tips though, they would be more than welcome!

Lastly, my apologies that I didn't write this over the weekend. My beloved team got battered once again on Saturday (guess who I support), and I forgot all about writing!

Let's get one thing straight...

... I'm not so deluded as to think I'm going to appear on a cover! If that were the case I think I would deserve locking up. I'm not stupid. The 2009 challenge is just a goal to aim at, to be in the kind of shape where I would be able to consider entering a competition - not to win, but just to be in with the runners and riders. That's all. I know it takes years even for guys who are already athletically built to challenge for a place, and I'm certainly not one of them. All I want to do is see what improvements an average guy can make in 18 months.

I'm going to post my workout and nutrition strategy later on today, when I get back from the footie (sans half time pie!)

One quiet March evening...

... an idea is formed. A plan is hatched. Several beers are consumed. Before and after. And it all seems like a jolly good idea.

I must admit that I'm not the first person you might think of when the words "Cover" and "Model" are put together. I'm 25 years old, 6'2, and with a 38 inch waist. I've done my research and it's quickly become apparent that there aren't many men's fitness magazines that sport covers featuring flabby guys. Probably wouldn't make for the best sales figures. So there's no chance that I, in my current state, would be fit to enter a competition to adorn the front of such a publication.

But I'm sick of being overweight and unfit. I'm tired of being the guy who won't take his top off at the beach, the guy who can't run around playing football without a crash team standing by. I want to be the bloke on the cover, complete with washboard abs and designer stubble trimmed to the exact millimetre.

Things came to a head when I saw a photo of myself looking like I'm about to keel over after a 5-a-side footie match. I decided I had to take matters into my own hands. I was already a member of a gym, £35 that I could ill afford being wasted each month - it turned out that you actually had to go and workout for the effects to show, simply paying the membership fee wasn't enough - so I vowed to put that £35 to work and get myself into shape. That was back in March, when I weighed an impressive 18 stone 10lb.

Now I'm down to 17 stone 5lbs, very nearly a stone and a half lighter. Which is a good start, but still with a long way to go. What I need is a challenge, a goal, something to aim for and work towards. Mens Health magazine is currently promoting it's Cover Model competition, and after a couple of beers I decided to enter. Closing date is July 2008 - about six weeks away. All I had to do was lose about another six stone of fat and add about three or four stone of lean, toned muscle. Pah, I was looking for a challenge!

Seriously though, I decided that this was something I could work towards. Not this year, but next. Which gives me about fifteen or sixteen months. Still an almost impossible task.

This blog is hopefully going to be the spur to ensure that I push myself as hard as I can to achieve my goal. I'm going to post photos on here each week, as well as regular updates on my stats, workouts and life in general. Anyone who wishes to help out with tips, encouragement or even just wads of cash, any help would be appreciated!

Maybe it can't be done - but hell, let's find out...